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During the raucous 10 o’clock show of Ron “Tater Salad” White’s You Can’t Fix Stupid Tour, presented last Saturday by Ken E. Mac in Raleigh Memorial Auditorium, the R-rated comedy of White and long-haired Latino stand-up comic Alex Reymundo really hit the spot — the funny bone. Just about every joke that White and Reymundo delivered scored a direct hit with the rowdy legion of Tater Salad fans that packed Memorial Auditorium to hear the cigar smoking, Scotch drinking White deliver some of the curmudgeonly comedy that has made him the second brightest star of the “Blue Collar Comedy Tour,” behind comedian and actor Jeff Foxworthy. Mexican-American comedian Alex Reymundo is one of the Original Latin Kings of Comedy. His one-hour Showtime comedy special “Hick-Spanic” will debut in March.
Reymundo opened the show on a high note. Born in Mexico, he grew up in Dallas, Texas and spent six years in Kentucky, where he met and married his “hillbilly” bride.
“Both families spent the whole day [of the wedding] debating who married up,” quipped Reymundo. He added, “My kids are half hillbilly, half Latino. They’re my little hick-spanics.”
When confronted with a groupie who purred, “I can do things you wife couldn’t do,” Reymundo says he responded, “[BeeEss]. She’s a dirty little ho. That’s why I picked her.”
Unlike Ron White, who scored a bull’s-eye on a number of big, fat political targets, Alex Reymundo mostly left politics to The Tater. Except: “If you don’t speak Spanish,” Reymundo cracked, “It’s time to learn. You’re in America.”
From the moment Ron White sauntered onto the stage to a standing ovation, wearing a dark suit but no tie, with trademark cigar in one hand and highball glass in the other, his every word and his every move completely captivated the Memorial Auditorium audience. His comic commentary, which was much rawer and much bluer than anything even cable TV can air, was raw meat for an audience that whooped and hollered throughout his routine. Apparently, steak tartar is their favorite dish.
Major targets of White’s satiric jabs included a Houston paper plant that is suing him for saying that it stunk up the town; the U.S. Department of Homeland Security’s confusing post-9/11 Heightened State of Awareness color code; grizzly bears that made McNuggets out of unwary hikers wearing iPods; the problem of illegal immigration; his wife and her new nipple ring; and women astronauts with Premenstrual Syndrome.
Most of White’s R-rated riffs are beyond the ability of my euphemizer to translate for this newsletter. Here’s what’s left:
Instead of a lot of confusing color shades, White said he would reduce the Heightened State of Awareness to two steps: One, “Go find the helmet” and, two, “Put on the helmet.”
White said he would sell this nation’s military bases that are located at or near prime resort areas, and use the proceeds to buy Mexico, fix it up, and flip it. “We’ll have to send for some painters and landscapers,” he cracked, “because they’re all up here.”
When it comes to monogamy, White has a simple philosophy: “If you only [eff] your own wife, you are never going to get caught.” Speaking of his wife, White said, when she surprised him by flashing him with a brand-new nipple ring, he says he blurted out, “It looks like the plug on my grandmother’s tub.”
As for female astronauts who suffer from PMS, White says he’s four-square against sending them into space at that time of the month. “In a weightless environment,” White said, “those psycho-bitches can fly.”
At the conclusion of his act, Ron White received another rowdy standing ovation — and ample encouragement to return to the Triangle. He reserved his parting comments for his friend and mentor Jeff Foxworthy. “He always believed in my talent,” White said, “but not my work ethic.”
Ron White: http://www.tatersalad.com/ [inactive 12/07]. Alex Reymundo: http://www.alexreymundo.com/ [inactive 9/07] and http://www.myspace.com/alexreymundo.